Sunday, August 09, 2009

Kinder disapointment

Kinder Smart Car
Originally uploaded by Phil_Parker

On my way back from Birmingham a couple of days ago when I felt the need for something to eat. The handy mini-market opposite Smiths on the concourse was available and I purchased some chocolate and then , on a whim at the counter, a Kinder egg.

I may have had some beer inside me which influenced this.

According to the assistant, I'm not the only one who does this either.

Anyway, like everyone else who does this, I'm not really interested in the chocolate shell. It's OK but not really enough for a grown up, we never believed that a finger of fudge was just enough either years ago. No, what I wanted was the toy inside, the idea being that its assembly would provide a little entertainment for the train ride home. I like making things, even enjoying the challenge of flat-pack furniture, and fiddling with stupid little toys like this is fun. Especially when your faculties aren't in tip-top operation.

For a change a seat is selected with a table - hoping the lateness of the hour meant no-one would join me and disturb my building. After all, I wanted to be able to spread out the parts and instructions on the workbench.

I open up the egg. The chocolate is disposed of in the normal way. Then the yellow plastic container is split.

Disaster !

Inside is a car. A Smart car. A ready built Smart car.

What's going on here ? When did the Kinder corporation stop putting kits in the eggs and start putting ready made toys in ?

At some point in Kinder Towers, there has been a board meeting. In front of a PowerPoint slide someone has stood up and with Teutonic efficiency announced that children's ability has dropped below the point where they are able to take some brightly colour plastic parts and assemble them into a toy. Tests will have shown that your average child will now stick the bits up their nose or into other bodily orifices as they are too stupid to know how to do anything else.

This is obviously A Bad Thing. Where is our next Brunell or Barnes Wallace going to come from if this basic engineering practise is gone ? If you give them ready built cars then what you will produce is a nation of Jeremy Clarkesons. Fine if you thing pushing a Smart car around a train table shouting, "Powerrrrrr" and pretending that the tyres are smoking makes you a useful member of society, but the car will be German or Japanese 'cos we don't make anything any more.

Then it occurs to me, Kinder is a German company. By inserting ready built toys into the eggs, the crafty Hunn is destroying our engineering base. A clever plan but I have seen through it. There is only one way we can save Blightly - Children of Britain, I call on you to take up your Meccano !!


stephen said...

We bought a few Kinder eggs recently as my wife is reusing the plastic eggs to make the noisy bit inside knitted rattles. The toys mostly need some assembly but seem to be a lot shoddier and significantly more surreal than in days gone. They've also redesigned the 'egg' to be a one piece hinged thing that is slightly harder to get in to ... so perhaps yours was just past its sell-by date?

korschtal said...

Kursez: you haff found our secret plan!

Zabdiel said...

What an entertaining post! The car doesn't even look like it's a useful scale :(

Phil Parker said...

I've run a ruler over the model and it scales out according to the dimensions here:

at amost exactly 4mm:1ft scale. Kinder are putting OO cars in their eggs ! Is this ia hint there there is a plan to abandon HO ?

Mind you, if this doesn't appealm, then odd scaled models always have a home here: